"Miki, come play your shinobue in front of Netflix." 😱 How to turn fear into your advantage. 😏
“I found you on Instagram when looking up Japanese flute. Would you be interested in performing at New York Fashion Week?” I received this text last week and thought it was spam. I looked up the sender, and she was a budding Asian fashion designer. This was real.
During our phone meeting, she asked me if I could play the shinobue to open her fashion show during NYFW. There will be media coverage, including Netflix, Vogue and Bazaar.
I’ve performed since age four and always thought I would never have the “imposter syndrome.” But when I heard the word “Netflix,” I felt FEAR!!! I thought, “I’ve been playing shinobue only since 2020. Should I be doing this???”
Long story short, I declined the offer due to logistical reasons. But this offer made me realize important things about shinobue, and myself.
I realized:
Shinobue music is powerful. It moved a budding designer to contact a total stranger and offer a large amount of money just to have shinobue in her show.
Even though I consider myself still a baby in the shinobue journey, the shinobue music I create has the potential to serve others professionally.
Knowing 1 and 2, I can’t be thinking, “I started too old and too late. Who am I to think I can perform at a national level?”
When I heard “Netflix”, I felt the fear I hadn’t felt in a long time. It was uncomfortable. I felt like I needed to throw up. I had to go for a long walk with my dog to get fresh air and clear my head. I was a bit surprised at how scared I felt.
But being scared like that once in a while is good for me!!
It motivates me to practice with more focus. I constantly remind myself why I play music in the first place (otherwise, it would not be worth fighting the fear). It also makes me work very hard to believe in myself.
Although I couldn’t make the trip, I am happy to share with you the song I was planning to play, “Sakura Sakura.” The designer had the vision of me playing shinobue on the candlelit stage with smoke (dry ice) coming in. She wanted a melody that had the feel of “Kyoto.” I was planning to use my Shoji 6 hon choshi, because 6 hon choshi would cut through a big crowd better than the dark and deep sound of 3 hon choshi.
I gained so much insight from this offer. If the logistics had worked, I was ready to fly to NY and play in front of Netflix!! If I was going to take on Netflix, I could take on anything!!
You can do it, too! Comment below about the fear that propels you forward. 💪